Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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