sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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