Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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