I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
