Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
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I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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