If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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