can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
