the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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