you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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