YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I lost the right to judge tonight
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
