Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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