Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
