How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I could fuck to npr.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
