I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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