On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
do herpes really smell.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
