peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
