I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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