3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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