I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
