My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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