my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
