I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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