Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
