He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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