Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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