I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize