I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize