Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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