I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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