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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
