i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
kristin has been a bad kristin
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
