Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
