I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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