A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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