If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you would pick up someone in the library
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
