called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
