im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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