loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
