it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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