just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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