It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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