im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
