woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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