Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
