The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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