the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Welp...herpes.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
