is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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