Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
