To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
