Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
