there was a trapeze. enough said
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
