Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
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Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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