he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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