Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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