were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
