i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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