i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
