So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
