3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
