What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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