my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
