she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
