Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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