Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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