Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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